Skip to content

The Unspoken Truth

#unfiltered thoughts and journal entries

Home
Journal
Thoughts
Therapy Notes
Inspirational Stuff
Useful Tools
Logs
Book Quotes

The Suicide Scale

September 12, 2019October 20, 2019

Emmengard – The Website

The Suicide Scale (English)

La Escala de Suicida (Español)

Share this:

Twitter
Facebook

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Posted in: Useful Tools

Post navigation

August 31: I’m mediocre and will forever be.

I’m a Fucking Awesome Human Being

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (required) (Address never made public)

Name (required)

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Google account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Notify me of new comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.

Tiffany W.

warriortiffany

Tags

Anxiety Aus vs. HK Book Review Ice Skating Inpatient Medication Psychiatrist School Therapy Vents

Recent Posts

Going Inpatient as an Adult
Adults Have Responsibilities (Messy)
November 1: International Law and Technology Law
What Addiction Really Is
Rest
October 29: Going into November
October 20: Ideation to Overdose

Search for Posts

Search for:

Instagram

I cleaned up my room, my little space. I vacuumed it in forever. Now it looks nice and every back to its original place. • • • I'm really tired today, had a full on day -meeting with the community mental health service, the school counsellor again, and getting things sorted. I'm exhausted. So many things have to be arranged and things I have to consider.... 😩 so many decisions that I have to make in the short term that are still bothering me.

A little (a big one in my head) dilemma. So while waiting to go inpatient.... i feel better. It has been 5 days since I made the decision. I'm still waiting on the special consideration app, but two professors have emailed me after seeing the app, just to 'reach out to me' and 'see if there's anything they can do'. I felt so embarrassed reading it, it's nothing they said, but I didn't know they could see the actual app, and the fact that I feel a lot better now in a few days time... I feel like a fraud. 😖 I have no idea what i should do now. I dont feel so bad as to need inpatient treatment - in fact, to get in, you have to be in a crisis or emergency state (aka suicidal). But now im calm.

So I've decided with my psychiatrist and my counsellor and agreed by my parents that I should go inpatient next week. BUT the problem is.... I still have my assignment, and the special consideration at school isn't making things easier. Someone is already going through shit when they have to apply for special con. So why is the app procedure so burdensome and tormenting? There's also to possibility that it might not get approved....meaning that I'll have to do my assignments. Aka, I can't go inpatient, because I won't have access to electronics. And for 2 of my assignments, the results for the special con come out AFTER the due date. So I'm like..... wtf? So if it's decline, I'm fucked? Like I get 0 if I don't submit something, so I'm still in the process of cramming out 2 essays in 5 days. This uni system sucks. My inpatient treatment plan depends if I get the special con approval.

For the past hour I've been trying to sleep. I am tired and my eyes want to close but the thoughts in my brain keeps spiralling and they keeep popping out. I can't stop thinking. Thinking about hospital, about whether I should go or not. About whether I really am in 'danger' or 'risky' or 'need help'. I don't know if I'm scared of the thoughts or excited by them, but heart palpitations, my heart just beats fast(?), louder and/or it just annoys me. It's uncomfortable, it's like a crisis rising, okay, it is a crisis and it is rising. I can't seem to relax and fall asleep. This is me every night. • • • The reason for not going is- i feel like i am fine. Im not like this 24/7. I do have control over myself even when i feel bad. And i have a string of assignments to due until December 8th....

Trying my hardest. Its not easy. Im taking care and watching over myself mindfully. Taking it one day at a time- ive never taken this phrase more literally than now.

My friend gave me this today. ❤️ We made some cards at our calligraphy workshop. She's so good at this. She's one friend that i opened up to about my MH, not too much yet, but she knows about some of it. I hope i will be more confortable telling her more in the future and we will be able to support each other- because she has gone through some of the stuff herself, so thats why i feel the connection and am able to talk to her.

Archives

Recent Posts

Going Inpatient as an Adult
Adults Have Responsibilities (Messy)
November 1: International Law and Technology Law
What Addiction Really Is
Rest
October 29: Going into November

Instagram

I cleaned up my room, my little space. I vacuumed it in forever. Now it looks nice and every back to its original place. • • • I'm really tired today, had a full on day -meeting with the community mental health service, the school counsellor again, and getting things sorted. I'm exhausted. So many things have to be arranged and things I have to consider.... 😩 so many decisions that I have to make in the short term that are still bothering me.

A little (a big one in my head) dilemma. So while waiting to go inpatient.... i feel better. It has been 5 days since I made the decision. I'm still waiting on the special consideration app, but two professors have emailed me after seeing the app, just to 'reach out to me' and 'see if there's anything they can do'. I felt so embarrassed reading it, it's nothing they said, but I didn't know they could see the actual app, and the fact that I feel a lot better now in a few days time... I feel like a fraud. 😖 I have no idea what i should do now. I dont feel so bad as to need inpatient treatment - in fact, to get in, you have to be in a crisis or emergency state (aka suicidal). But now im calm.

So I've decided with my psychiatrist and my counsellor and agreed by my parents that I should go inpatient next week. BUT the problem is.... I still have my assignment, and the special consideration at school isn't making things easier. Someone is already going through shit when they have to apply for special con. So why is the app procedure so burdensome and tormenting? There's also to possibility that it might not get approved....meaning that I'll have to do my assignments. Aka, I can't go inpatient, because I won't have access to electronics. And for 2 of my assignments, the results for the special con come out AFTER the due date. So I'm like..... wtf? So if it's decline, I'm fucked? Like I get 0 if I don't submit something, so I'm still in the process of cramming out 2 essays in 5 days. This uni system sucks. My inpatient treatment plan depends if I get the special con approval.

For the past hour I've been trying to sleep. I am tired and my eyes want to close but the thoughts in my brain keeps spiralling and they keeep popping out. I can't stop thinking. Thinking about hospital, about whether I should go or not. About whether I really am in 'danger' or 'risky' or 'need help'. I don't know if I'm scared of the thoughts or excited by them, but heart palpitations, my heart just beats fast(?), louder and/or it just annoys me. It's uncomfortable, it's like a crisis rising, okay, it is a crisis and it is rising. I can't seem to relax and fall asleep. This is me every night. • • • The reason for not going is- i feel like i am fine. Im not like this 24/7. I do have control over myself even when i feel bad. And i have a string of assignments to due until December 8th....

Trying my hardest. Its not easy. Im taking care and watching over myself mindfully. Taking it one day at a time- ive never taken this phrase more literally than now.

My friend gave me this today. ❤️ We made some cards at our calligraphy workshop. She's so good at this. She's one friend that i opened up to about my MH, not too much yet, but she knows about some of it. I hope i will be more confortable telling her more in the future and we will be able to support each other- because she has gone through some of the stuff herself, so thats why i feel the connection and am able to talk to her.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Post to

Cancel

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy

%d bloggers like this: