Saw Dr. Wong on Tuesday. It was nice to finally see him. I haven’t seen him in almost a month. And this time, when he asked me how I was doing, I replied: “Good. Really good.” To that, I’m sure he was surprised as well as happy to hear. He commented saying that he rarely hears me say that I am doing well, it’s usually me saying I’m doing terrible or it’s been a disaster.
Told him about:
- The strong medication – turns out it’s steroids
- Dr. Au Yeung and how I don’t really think he’s that nice because in comparison Dr. Wong is SUPER SUPER nice
- Feeling good, mood rising and feeling happy a lot of the time. Even sometimes too much energy, a bit ‘aggressive’ and overly excited. To that, he said I might be a little bipolar. Which I agree. He thinks he should cut down on the Effexor to reduce the stimulating effect, but decided against it because the Topamax amount isn’t ‘stable’ yet.
- Dry mouth. He said I can use orange juice or something sour to trigger saliva and keep my mouth ‘wet’.
He said he is inclined to change the diagnosis to bipolar from depression. It made me happy for a couple reasons. I’ve knew for a while now that I might be bipolar instead of depression, but I didn’t mention it to any doctors because I don’t want to be accused of ‘self-diagnosis’ or anything like that. But being labeled the ‘right thing’ is reassuring because it explains so much more of what I am going through ~ all the mood shifts and the treatment resistant depression.
It’s not a shock or anything to me. Being labeled as Bipolar also feels like ‘coming out of the dark side’. Depression seems dark and sad, whereas bipolar seems a bit more colorful and bright. It seems like the other side of the tunnel.
But for now, the diagnosis hasn’t changed yet. He still has to observe me a little bit more. I have a little bit bipolar symptoms but I still haven’t had a full-blown bipolar episode. At least not for a whole month or something. Or I’m a SUPER FAST ‘rapid cyclier’.
The Unspoken Truth 